I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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