if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
