The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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