I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Farmville is her only friend.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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