i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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