i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
