I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
