You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
i think my cat just said my name.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
