Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
