Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Everything about him screamed your future.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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