Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
