Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
