if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
