Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
