She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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