What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
