i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you traded sex for a burrito?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
