Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Randomize