Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
