I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
