I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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