I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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