Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
