Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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