I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
