Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
