Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
