Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
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