We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize