I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
