If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
