Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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