we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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