Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
