a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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