ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
babies were throwing up all over the place
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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