I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
