I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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