Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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