I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She's the barista slut.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
