Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
