And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
