she was so not down for the gang bang
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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