this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
