the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Blood and glitter go together right?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Randomize
