We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
