i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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