he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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