we're chasing vodka with high fives
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
