Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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