hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Randomize
