I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
