well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
