i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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