I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize