Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
