I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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