My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
