can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
