i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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