so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
