Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize