And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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