barbara walters just said penis...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
