I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
she peed on how many people?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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