Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
