i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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