we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
areolas are like halos for boobs.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
