how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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